the END of 4th semester... oh FINALLY!!=.=

Monday, November 1st 2010:

assalamualaikum.. hello2 bloggie dearie..
haven't been dropping by 4 quite awhile..
hv been really bz with exams assignments n wat not..
but now i'm finally on my semester break!! =D
alhamdulillah i've finished my 4th semester..
well.. to b honest i havent said much about how i was going with my current college life ryte.. i dun exactly update them in my blog consistently..

but i did wrote some things in my phone from time to time ..
coz it's d closest thing 4 me let go n express my feelings to..
so dis is wat i did wrote, d day before my final paper
i've never felt more tensed n stressed up studying n preparing for a paper before.. i felt like i was really going mad.. as d 4th sem was d most exhausting, most stressful, most tiring n painful semester i had ever been through...~ :

Friday, 15th October 2010 -

dila x sabar nk abeskan exam ni..
dila x sabar nk abeskan semester ni..
dila x sabar nk abeskan semester yg paling memenatkan n stress bg dila..
dis is d worst most exhausting n stressful n painful semester i had ever been thru in my college life...
i know dat some parts of me r at fault,
there r some parts of me who juz cant avoid d feeling of laziness,
n got carried away with how down n miserable i felt thruout my studies..='((

Ya Allah, please give me d strength to go thru all dis..
i thank u 4 d strength u gave me 4 d past 5 months of my semester..
n i do thank u 4 all d happy moments dat i did go thru during dis semester..
all those laughter n all those cheerful moments dat made me smile n jumped with joy..^_^
i do am thankful n grateful for each of those moments.. alhamdulillah..=)

but now, tho d stress of it all do test me,
i will juz accept it as d challenges i have to go thru
n struggle hard n do d best i can to reach for success
n b wat i wanna be.. amin amin yarabbal alamin..~

hmm.. so.. dat was wat i wrote d nyte before my final paper..
which was Multimedia.. god i hate multimedia..=.='
i really2 dun like it.. it was my least fav subject..
i got all stressed up studying for it dat nyte coz there was juz too much to read n so much to cover n d lecturer didnt even give any single tip AT ALL!!
i've never felt more nervous d nex morning.. it felt worst than d 1st morning of spm..=.=' like, literally nervous.. i was shivering so bad n my heart was beating 100 miles an hour.. before i entered d chansellor hall i read wat ever i cud at d last minute, n juz like.. berserah je.. wat i tot of was juz to do my best n juz look forward of ending damn semester..
but, apparently.. d moment i went thru d questions..
n answering them.. alhamdulillah it turned out not to b as bad as i tot it was..

Sunday, Nov 21st 2010:

very surprisingly, it was TRAW, which was very unexpected, turned out to be d most toughest paper of all, in my opinion.. oh my god, boy.. was it TOUGH.

its not dat i cudnt answer any of d questions..i cud..

but even part a was hard enough!! it was very confusing..=.= part b was okay 4 me.. but part c was also pretty hard.. i didnt read about figurative language dat well..good thing i did read about it a bit..n juz did d best i cud in answering it..but d thing is..thruout d paper..i was really, bumped.. bcoz i seriously DID NOT expect traw to b tough.. i scored A for it during mid sem! huh.. good thing i wasnt over confident.. i learnt not 2 underestimate any paper of any subj during any exam or any sem.. but then again.. after i did my best with d paper, i packed my stationeries, raised up my hand, took my handphone n purse from d invigilator, n walked out of d hall..

it was all i cud do to not burst into tears d moment i stepped out off d hall..

i guess i remembered feeling so stressed out.. coz traw was d 2nd last paper, n multimedia was only two days away.. i was juz.. down.. i felt really really down, i juz took my handbag.. walked down d stairs.. n walked back home.. under d highway, i almost.. almost cried out loud.. at dat moment i juz wanted to cry my heart out.. n d second i reached my apartment, i saw kak husna on d sofa, i closed d door, took off my wedges, threw my bag n collapse on my mattress..

n i started crying.. i cudnt hold it anymore.. i juz cried.. i cried n cried..i really really cried.. like, out loud.. i havent cried like dat since, i cudnt even remember d last time i really broke down n cried.. i was facing d other way frm kak husna.. n i think she knew better than to juz let me cry n calm myself down first.. it was devastating. but lil by lil i felt much better.. i felt a whole lot better like i juz unleashed everything in my heart in soul dat i've been keeping to myself.. every single sadness n every stressful feeling i had inside me.. it was.. sort of refreshing in a way.. i guess i really need a good cry, i cudnt stop for a long time.. whenever i felt like i was done, i started crying again.. n again. n again.. it was like crying all d things i bottled up in me.. every burden.. every anger.. every frustration.. every single of those almost similar feelings was wat i let out..

fuh... n then i finally turned over, n kak husna asked if i was okay.. i cudnt think straight then.. i was pretty messed up.. but i did told her dat it has somthing to do with all d stress i've been hving during dat exam week.. n every other thing dat made me upset before.. n then i juz lied down.. trying to get a grip of myself.. but it was really satisfying.. sometimes crying really does help u.. to express out everything dat made u sad or down or angry or stressed out.. alhamdulillah.. after an hour i think, i was finally okay..

i cudnt remember d rest of it dat i did dat day.. but i think i did studied a bit 4 multimedia.. but juz a bit tho.. i was still not in d mood n cudnt really concentrate in studying.. so i decided to take a lil break, watched tv.. n had nescafe.. okay i guess dats all for exam week..

after i finished multimedia i sat with biya n clarice outside d hall, hugged n kissed biya n tot of meeting clarice n fong again at home..

but it turned out dat my auntie, mamabik was fetching me early, i didnt hv time to do d laundry or keeping my mattress in d room like i planned, good thing i already packed everything.. but i did took things at d last minute, my laptop, my scarfs n shawls, my toiletries in d bathroom, my two cardigans frm d laundry basket n my wedges.. thank god i managed all dat, took one last look at my apartment, said goodbye, n strolled out..

i texted kak husna n clarice in d car to help take my mastress in d room n take out my bedsheet..coz i really didnt expect my auntie to fetch me early.. on my way back to kl, i think i was stil.. hving dat stressful feeling inside me.. i was still down eventho i already finished my exams n d whole 4th semester.. i wasnt like myself much.. we went back to my grandma's hse as it was my youngest cuzzin Rayyan first birthday.. d were many colourful balloons on d ceiling.. d living room was wide, all furniture upstairs, in alang's room or in d tv room.. salam everyone, hugged n kissed my mum.. went to alang's room, n sat down on d living room sofa kept in there.. suddenly feeling extremely exhausted.. n i fell asleep instantly..

it was about a couple of hours later did i woke up.. it was bout 5pm i think.. i heard my cuzzins singing i will survive, as abah uchu booked a karaoke crew n an ice cream cooler 4 d party.. all my cuzzins knew i juz finished my exams.. so they knew i was realy tired.. but when i went out, a lil puffy eyes n all.. but joined them.. thankfully i looked okay, as far as everyone was concerned.. d party was great.. i had fun singing.. n d tahlil dat nyte also went well.. went home without unpacking anything.. changed to my pjs n went straight to bed..